Oh God, it's a dick! I'm not going to suck it, honest...

I've realised now how little of the next section I can actually remember and how much of it comes from deduction of what must have happened, and this makes me sad. I wish I could remember it better, and you'd think I would! That's one of the purposes of this blog though - to write this stuff down before I forget it completely.

It may have been the next day when it all happened, maybe a bit more than that, but it certainly wasn't long. The next time we were in bed together, his pants came off.

I suppose I had something of a sheltered childhood. Even now, I feel like I should look away from him when he's standing there naked because of the presence of that penis. I think I've been conditioned that way. I came from a background where even the mention of sex was pretty seriously frowned upon. I remember once, a "friend" was over and she drew a picture of a drunk sperm and stuck it on my parents' wardrobe. They went mental when they found it later that night. Apart from diagrams in science and sex education lessons, there'd only ever been two occasions where I'd seen a real penis. The main one was catching the odd glimpse of my dad now and then when he was getting into the bath or something, so of course it was "AAAH!  LOOK AWAY!", and one other time when the previously mentioned friend's pre-pubescent brother got out a section of his dick (although not the head) in front of us to try and show us the bone in there that lent its name to the famous boner. Like most other things sexual throughout my life, I was probably far too old before I realised that boners weren't called that because the penis had a bone in it.

Being there with my boyfriend then was the first time I'd ever seen a real dick. I wanted to look, it was fascinating. I'd never seen one before, not even in a photo, and it was nice to be able to put an image to what I'd been touching up in the car before. However, there was also 22 years of conditioning in me that was incredibly difficult to resist. He was completely naked and I shouldn't look at it. It was so hard for me to tell myself that he was my boyfriend and I was allowed to look.


We got in bed, and then his dick was hidden away under the duvet. This was still a new experience to me though, as there were no pants and I was able to have my hands all over his bum. There was the added issue of all this man junk sitting there though. I don't consider there to be many advantages women have over men, but having all out sexual junk tucked away means that it doesn't get in harm's way when moving about in bed.


At this point, our sex lives together still consisted of nothing but him giving me oral with me on top, so this is what we proceeded to do. This time, however, he wasn't wearing underpants. I was on top of him, and his naked dick was underneath me, right in front of my face.


His dick was right in front of my face. I couldn't ignore it. I'd already touched it once before in the car, but it still felt every bit as scary touching it again. I could see it this time, and my hands were in a position where I'd be able to get much more contact and access to the whole area. I managed to do it though, and slowly, caressing it turned into a hand job. It was empowering to see how my hands could turn his dick from flaccid to erect. Still now, I love the feeling of knowing what my hands have done every time I give him an erection. I've just remembered now, actually. At one point he stopped me to adjust the position I was getting him off in. My head was actually a bit down past his dick, and I guess I ended up pulling his dick down further than was comfortable for him. Still, it was a learning experience.

Before any of this had happened, I'd told my boyfriend that it might take me days, weeks, maybe even months before I was ready to try oral on him. Funnily enough, I'd told him not that long before we got together that I couldn't imagine ever putting a guy's dick in my mouth, it was disgusting. He was kind of shocked, but he told me that I'd probably change my mind when I had a naked guy in front of me. Now here we were, and he was that naked guy.

I'd told him that I probably wouldnt be ready to do oral for ages, but now here we were, past the barrier where I was afraid to touch it. I'd probably been tossing him off for about 10 minutes at the very most, and I'd only seen him completely naked for the first time about 20-25 minutes ago, so I was a bit shocked that all of a sudden I was ready to try using my mouth.

I had a plan for building up to a blow job. On that day, I'd master the hand job. A little bit down the line, I'd lick the shaft a little bit. It was on the penis, but the shaft is really only skin. A few more days/weeks down the line, I'd move onto licking the head, and then eventually I'd have his dick in my mouth.

This went out of the window. I probably did about five seconds of licking the shaft at the most before I just went in for the kill and took his whole dick in my mouth, not even half an hour after the first time I'd seen him properly naked. I could hardly bear to look when he first got his pants off, and here I was now. I felt so naughty, but so impressed with myself. I like to think that me at that moment was the first moment of my transformation into what I am now. I was still all sweet and innocent before that point, even with all the oral sex I'd been recieving.

I already knew that I had an insanely strong gag reflex, inherited from my dad, but it really didn't help me. I got by alright on this first time though, because my focus wasn't so much on me giving him pleasure (although of course this was an aspect for me), but on me having this new experience and getting used to doing it.

The only way I can think to describe what a penis tastes like is salty. I don't really like using that word because I don't like salt on food, and I love the taste of my boyfriend's juice, but it's really the closest word I can use to describe it. It's not at all an unpleasant taste. To describe what it's like to someone who's never had a dick in their mouth before, I'd describe it like this: Imagine putting a small amount of salt in water and stirring it in, and then adding in just a small amount of sugar to take the bitter edge off. Add something in that'll make the water just a tad thicker, and that's probably about as close as you're going to get. It varies a bit though. Sometimes the taste will fade away more, and every now and then a little bit more juice comes out and it's absolutely delicious. I'm jealous of lesbians in this sense (based on the assumption that woman juice tastes just as nice as man juice, I don't know), because all that yummy juice just keeps on flowing. None of that having to keep going for ages just to get a tiny drop.

Sadly, I still haven't experienced what full on spunk tastes like. My jaw muscles start aching long before I bring him close to orgasm, and I feel I don't have the skills. I'm sure he enjoys it, but he's the quiet type when it comes to pleasure. When my face is in his genitals and I can't easily monitor his breathing rate or facial expressions, I find it difficult to know what's working and what's not. I wouldn't want him to fake anything, but sometimes I wish he'd just exaggerate how he feels a little bit to make it easier for me and give me some encouragement. I probably shouldn't have written that though, because he's going to read this and every time he does make the odd bit of noise, I'm going to wonder whether it's real or not.

I don't think it lasted that long. We generally don't do 69 because it just kills my neck and shoulders. I much prefer to do separate oral on each other. That means he can sit on the edge of the bed and I can last longer due to the reduced strain on my muscles (although it's still no easier on the jaw), and also that we can both devote our full attention to what we're having done to us and really enjoy it.

Even though it didn't last long, it was brilliant. I was so pleased that I'd got up the courage to do it and broken that barrier ages before I thought I'd be able to, and my boyfriend was also pretty pleased and surprised too! Next time, his dick would be getting wet in another of my orifices, and it wasn't going to be my mouth ;)

Oral and Fingers

I suppose with all this oral I was getting you could say I was sexually active now. In a way, I sort of look back on that time as a sort of golden age of my sex life. I love the variety of my sex life now, but back then my sex life consisted of oral and nothing but. I loved it. Before this point I never really masturbated, so it was a big change for me, and it was brilliant.

It was terrible when we first used to get in bed though. Hormones raging and all that, I couldn't wait for him to tell me to climb on top of him. It was never really more than 10 minutes but it felt like forever. We spoke about it months later (when I was more mentally stable and not blinded by the excitement of it all) and it turned out he'd felt the same way too, he just wanted to get on it. If I'd known at the time I'd have had no problem just climbing right on top of him the second the door was locked. We're both a bit more stable now and cuddles beforehand are nice. It doesn't feel so much like "CAN WE GET ONTO THE SEX NOW?!?"

I'm not sure how many times I'd had oral before I got my first orgasm, but I don't think it was that many. It was one of the most intense and incredible orgasms I've ever had. I guess it got points for being the first orgasm I'd ever had because orgasms from clit stimulation alone now aren't that great. I suppose there was also an element of it all being new and everything was fantastic because there was still a novelty value to it and I loved everything there was to it.

I don't remember screaming that much, although I imagine I must have because I'm a proper screamer when I orgasm. I do distinctly remember my whole body shaking when I got there, which I don't recall I've had that much of since.

Before I'd ever had an orgasm, I was told not to worry about what they feel like. You'll just know when you have one, and it's totally true. To anyone reading this who hasn't had an orgasm before, trust me. There is no way you can have an orgasm and not know about it.

My sex life consisted of nothing but recieving oral for quite a long time. My boyfriend even did it when I was on my period. He told me it added to the eroticness of it, and I'll never forget him saying that. It almost makes it feel like a shame that I don't get periods any more, thanks to my contraceptive implant.

Over Christmas I discovered the existence of a GUM clinic not too far from me, within an NHS walk-in centre. The GUM clinic wasn't a walk-in thing though; you needed an appointment unless you needed the morning after pill. I bottled it before I made an appointment. It seemed too big and scary, although at this point it was a sign that I wasn't ready for sex yet.

After the first time my boyfriend gave me oral, I started shaving my pubes at his request. At the beginning, I used to spend ages sitting in front of the mirror trying to get myself perfect down there. Now it's just a quick once-over with a razor and that'll do. At this point, it was quite embarrassing getting naked in front of my boyfriend. I could happily lie in bed with him because it felt incredible, but standing in front of him naked was sort of uncomfortable. I could do it, but there was a mental barrier that had been up my whole life of nudity in front of other people. I didn't waste any time between getting my clothes off and climbing under the duvet with him where I was relatively covered. It's not a problem at all now, and funnily enough I don't have much of a problem showing more flesh to other people now too. In my amateur dramatics group, I used to do everything I could to cover myself up in costume changes because that was the way I'd been brought up I suppose, although maybe an issue of self-esteem too. Now I don't have too much of an issue walking around the dressing room full of around 25 people (both men and women of various ages) in my bra trying to find a lost piece of my costume.

On top of oral, my boyfriend's fingers started slipping inside me. We started off with one finger, but it hurt. I wanted to keep going though because I knew my body would get used to it and I wanted to enjoy it, so we kept going. After a while two fingers came in (if I recall correctly, the first time we did that might have been in his car one night), and that really hurt. I wanted to keep going though because I knew when we eventually got around to sex that his penis was gonna be quite a bit thicker than two of his fingers.

In all this time, I'd done nothing to my boyfriend sexually. I just wasn't ready for it, and he gets major points for being fine with that. I like to think I've made up for it since, although I still feel like a bit of an amateur compared to him. He was still wearing his undies in bed when I was naked. I wasn't even ready for that step yet. He goes commando every day now, but he can't remember if at this time he was wearing pants to keep me happy or whether it was something he used to wear every day.

Time went on and slowly, the idea of sex didn't seem like a completely bad idea. I knew I'd have to go back to the GUM clinic and make an appointment, but I'll save that story for another time, as it ended up long and complicated.

Tongues and Nakedness (Getting onto the good stuff now!)

Things continued to advance between us. I was still quite shy but we were advancing quite quickly. I was inexperienced and embarrassed to move things on myself, but I'd regularly send my boyfriend texts (because I was too embarrassed to say these things to his face) that I wanted him to do something to me or saying I was ready for a certain step.

The day after we kissed, I decided I was ready for tongues. We talked about it the night before and was told that one touching their tongue against the other's lip was usually a good way to ask without interrupting a kiss, and touching tongues together was a good way to grant that permission. It's kind of funny to think how tentative it all was at the beginning, because now we don't think anything of just thrusting our tongues down the other's throat.

I don't really remember the first time we did tongues, but I do remember one of the times that day. His teacher had let the whole class go to the library, and since my lesson hadn't started yet, he texted me and we found each other. I quite clearly remember stood on the balcony of the top floor at college getting some tongue action in. I remember because all these lads came and watched us and were making noises like we were some kind of show, but neither of us cared. This was new and exciting and neither of us were going to let something like other people watching put a stop to it.

I remember being in his car with him quite clearly that night. We were doing tongues and I loved it. It was lovely the wet feeling but I felt kind of crap at it. It seemed scary and although I was enjoying it, I somehow found it impossible to move my tongue much. Thankfully I got better at it over time.

Lying in the car together on Tuesday nights became a regular thing. We used to put the passenger seat down and lie one on top of the other, changing positions when it got too much for one of us. I kept a hairband on the zipper of my bag to tie my hair back with so it wouldnt get in the way when we were kissing. One time he took his shirt off in the car and it was absolutely magic.

We hadn't been going out too long before he suggested he come to my place on our shared day off from college. I was really glad he did because I probably wouldnt have gotten up the courage to ask him over for ages yet. Although my parents had met him before we were together, it still seemed scary bringing him over. I don't think I would have been able to get up the courage to go to his house, not at that point.

So, he did come over. We went up into my room, but at this point I had no lock or anything on my door, so I'm guessing we must have just left it that way. I do remember him taking his shirt off and it feeling magic once again, and after a while we went under the covers because he was getting cold, shirtless as it was.

It's sad that in my house I had to take such measures, but after that I bought some rope to tie around my doorhandles to stop other people coming in, and not too long after that I bought some fabric to hang over the gap between my two doors to stop other people in. It was necessary - my youngest sister got a knife and slotted it between the gap and tried to cut through the rope. I dont know if she thought she'd actually get in or if she was just trying to wind us up.

As time went on, clothes started coming off. One day he asked me to take my top off, and I did (it was lucky that I'd randomly decided to shave my armpits that morning, because up until then my philosophy on shaving was don't bother if nobody else is going to see it. Had I not shaved that morning, I wouldn't have). That skin to skin contact was amazing.

I don't know how long we'd been together, but one day we were lying in bed and he asked me if I was ready to take my bra off with him yet. I replied "Not yet..." and he didn't pursue it any further. I instantly thought to myself why did I say that?!? I was ready for that step. I hadn't thought about my answer before I'd just said I wasn't ready yet. I spent the next five minutes trying to get up the courage to take my bra off. Eventually I managed to ask if he wanted me to take my bra off, and he replied only if I felt ready for it. So, the bra came off. It felt incredible.

He was stroking my boobs, although I wanted him to play with them more. I hadn't realised at the time that the positions we were lying in gave him access to approximately one square inch of my boobs. When I eventually said whatever it was that I said that made him tell me he didn't have access, I rolled over so he could have all of my boobs.

I suppose this would have been the first time he sucked my nipples, although I can't remember. This blog has made me realise that I can't remember the first time he did alot of the things that became a staple of our bedroom lives! How terrible. For a good while after he started sucking my nipples I didn't get much out of it. It was weeks, maybe months before my nipples got used to being stimulated and I could really enjoy it. I love it now though, if not for the actual stimulation then the naughty look on his face when he's doing it!

I don't know if it's something a lot of other couples do or if it's just something he does, but he likes to lick my nipples and then blow on them so they're really cold, then taking the whole thing in his mouth and the sudden warmth is too much for me.

I suppose it'll be a test of how regularly he checks back on this blog, but it was actually more torturous when he first started doing it. He tries to make it worse now by blowing on it for too long trying to make it colder, but to tell the truth he blows on it so long that his spit dries up and it stops being so cold. He'd be better off doing like he did when he started off - giving it a quick, strong blast and then jumping in again. I guess I'll see what happens next time we're in the bedroom together ;)

Later, there came a big step when we both made the agreement that we were going to take our trousers off together, and we were lying in bed with just our undies on. At some point I ended up lying on my back with him on his side next to me, running his hand up and down my front. I don't know if he started that way or if he liked his chances as he went on, but I became aware that he was dangerously close to the top of my panties. It felt good, and I subconsciously opened my legs a little. The next thing I know he's fingering me through my pants. It was incredible. My heart was beating so hard inside me. Not especially fast, but definitely hard. I remember looking up at him and he was just looking down on me smiling, looking down on my like some benevolent god of sex.

It felt great, but I was ready to move onto the next step. After a few minutes I started trying to get up the courage to slide my pants down and let him get direct access. After several more minutes I did. It was great, although to tell the truth I preferred it when it was through my panties at the time. It points to my taste in vibrators now - I prefer big chunky vibes that I can use to put pressure on a wider area.

Eventually he stopped because his hands were hurting, and he told me that if I wanted any more then he'd be using his tongue next time, then he lay down again. I lay there for what seemed like ages willing him to do it with his tongue. I wanted it so badly. Luckily it wasn't long before he was up again and down in between my legs, but with his tongue this time. It was pure brilliance. Even after everything we've done since, oral remains my favourite and I don't get anywhere near enough of it.

It was fantastic, but there were several bits where he got pubes in his mouth lol. This had been completely unexpected so I'd done nothing to tidy myself up or get myself especially clean or any of the things I sort of take as a given now. I remember kissing him later on when it was time for him to go home. It tasted...strongly.

We talked that night on MSN about how brilliant and unexpected it had all been. He mentioned the term oral sex and it was completely unbelievable. It didn't seem quite so big when it had just been him licking me, but oral SEX...wow. I hadn't thought of it that way.

The following night I spoke to him on MSN again. He'd spent the day at work with an aching hand, wondering if you could get RSI from fingering someone.

Reverse Psychology

I'm not having a good day. I got a text this morning from my boyfriend telling me he wouldn't be over. I'm really missing him, but in a way I'm glad. Sorry if it's TMI, but I've got something inside me that's causing me discomfort whenever anything gets inserted, whether it's a toy or an actual penis. I dont know how it happened, but it must be a tear or a cut or something because the pain comes in quite a specific place. I've decided I'm not going to use toys for a bit to see if it heals on its own, since seeing a doctor isn't pleasant and its inconvenient. I'll do it if I have to, but I'll give my body a chance to fix itself first.

So, in a way I was glad, because him not coming over meant no sex, which meant I could leave my insides alone and give them some more time to heal. However, sitting here at my computer, I'm majorly turned on and the temptation to get the toys out is unbearable. I know I'll regret it if I do it because it'll aggrevate it and it wont heal so quickly, and it probably won't be that pleasurable either, but it's the reverse psychology. I dont get my toys out that often because I dont get the urge that often, but sitting here knowing I can't get the toys out leaves me gagging for it. Sigh...

Little nugget of info

'J', the guy I talked about in my previous post texted me this week to inform me he was back in the county for the week, and I was expecting for him to turn up at work this weekend. As it was, he didn't show (or at least didn't come find me). Anyway, I texted my boyfriend today to tell him how much I was dreading seeing J and about my LoveHoney grab bag I ordered and all the sex toys I'm expecting. As I was sending it, J's name was underneath my boyfriend's in recently used contacts. I realised then that if I had accidentally sent that text to J instead of my boyfriend, I would have been more embarrassed that I'd let J know I didn't want to see him than my haul of sex toys coming through the post!

I'm sure that had I been into toys a year or two ago, this would have been totally the opposite, and I think it says something about me now.