Oral and Fingers

I suppose with all this oral I was getting you could say I was sexually active now. In a way, I sort of look back on that time as a sort of golden age of my sex life. I love the variety of my sex life now, but back then my sex life consisted of oral and nothing but. I loved it. Before this point I never really masturbated, so it was a big change for me, and it was brilliant.

It was terrible when we first used to get in bed though. Hormones raging and all that, I couldn't wait for him to tell me to climb on top of him. It was never really more than 10 minutes but it felt like forever. We spoke about it months later (when I was more mentally stable and not blinded by the excitement of it all) and it turned out he'd felt the same way too, he just wanted to get on it. If I'd known at the time I'd have had no problem just climbing right on top of him the second the door was locked. We're both a bit more stable now and cuddles beforehand are nice. It doesn't feel so much like "CAN WE GET ONTO THE SEX NOW?!?"

I'm not sure how many times I'd had oral before I got my first orgasm, but I don't think it was that many. It was one of the most intense and incredible orgasms I've ever had. I guess it got points for being the first orgasm I'd ever had because orgasms from clit stimulation alone now aren't that great. I suppose there was also an element of it all being new and everything was fantastic because there was still a novelty value to it and I loved everything there was to it.

I don't remember screaming that much, although I imagine I must have because I'm a proper screamer when I orgasm. I do distinctly remember my whole body shaking when I got there, which I don't recall I've had that much of since.

Before I'd ever had an orgasm, I was told not to worry about what they feel like. You'll just know when you have one, and it's totally true. To anyone reading this who hasn't had an orgasm before, trust me. There is no way you can have an orgasm and not know about it.

My sex life consisted of nothing but recieving oral for quite a long time. My boyfriend even did it when I was on my period. He told me it added to the eroticness of it, and I'll never forget him saying that. It almost makes it feel like a shame that I don't get periods any more, thanks to my contraceptive implant.

Over Christmas I discovered the existence of a GUM clinic not too far from me, within an NHS walk-in centre. The GUM clinic wasn't a walk-in thing though; you needed an appointment unless you needed the morning after pill. I bottled it before I made an appointment. It seemed too big and scary, although at this point it was a sign that I wasn't ready for sex yet.

After the first time my boyfriend gave me oral, I started shaving my pubes at his request. At the beginning, I used to spend ages sitting in front of the mirror trying to get myself perfect down there. Now it's just a quick once-over with a razor and that'll do. At this point, it was quite embarrassing getting naked in front of my boyfriend. I could happily lie in bed with him because it felt incredible, but standing in front of him naked was sort of uncomfortable. I could do it, but there was a mental barrier that had been up my whole life of nudity in front of other people. I didn't waste any time between getting my clothes off and climbing under the duvet with him where I was relatively covered. It's not a problem at all now, and funnily enough I don't have much of a problem showing more flesh to other people now too. In my amateur dramatics group, I used to do everything I could to cover myself up in costume changes because that was the way I'd been brought up I suppose, although maybe an issue of self-esteem too. Now I don't have too much of an issue walking around the dressing room full of around 25 people (both men and women of various ages) in my bra trying to find a lost piece of my costume.

On top of oral, my boyfriend's fingers started slipping inside me. We started off with one finger, but it hurt. I wanted to keep going though because I knew my body would get used to it and I wanted to enjoy it, so we kept going. After a while two fingers came in (if I recall correctly, the first time we did that might have been in his car one night), and that really hurt. I wanted to keep going though because I knew when we eventually got around to sex that his penis was gonna be quite a bit thicker than two of his fingers.

In all this time, I'd done nothing to my boyfriend sexually. I just wasn't ready for it, and he gets major points for being fine with that. I like to think I've made up for it since, although I still feel like a bit of an amateur compared to him. He was still wearing his undies in bed when I was naked. I wasn't even ready for that step yet. He goes commando every day now, but he can't remember if at this time he was wearing pants to keep me happy or whether it was something he used to wear every day.

Time went on and slowly, the idea of sex didn't seem like a completely bad idea. I knew I'd have to go back to the GUM clinic and make an appointment, but I'll save that story for another time, as it ended up long and complicated.