First kisses, I love you and embarrassing other people

After that intermission, back onto my story.

I don't really remember much of the second proper day we were together because there was alot of stuff that happened at the beginning that happened so quickly I find it difficult to place it chronologically. I do remember the next week though. Our college schedules meant that we only saw each other on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and the wait between parting on Wednesday night to seeing each other again on Tuesday morning was terrible.

My family already knew my boyfriend before we'd got together, so that made things somewhat easier, although we kept it all quiet for the moment since I just didn't know how I was gonna tell my parents.

My oldest younger sister was a different matter though. She'd been getting suspicious, and so to quell that, me and my boyfriend got on a three-way MSN conversation where we were so over the top with each other that it convinced my sister that we couldn't possibly be together because we were being stupid. I then tried to convince her that we were together, but we'd done the job, and she said we weren't. She said if we were really together, she wanted to see us kiss to prove it.

By the next time I saw my boyfriend, we'd talked and I'd found that I felt ready for my first ever kiss. It felt scary, but I wanted to do it. Plus, I'd been given this from my sister. Okay, I was not the kind of person who would kiss a guy before I was ready because of something that stupid, and I'd never waste my first kiss like that. But, I was ready and this proposition from my sister was going to give me the courage and reason to get up the courage to do what I wanted to do anyway.

I talked with my boyfriend and told him I was ready. I knew I'd find it difficult to get up the courage though because it was my first kiss, and he had quite a bit more experience than me, so it was scary. I told him that when we were cuddled up, he might have to physically move me into a position and kiss me because I'd find it difficult to get the courage.

So, that lunchtime, me and my boyfriend went to the college library and snuggled up in one of the sofas in the reading areas where nobody else was sat. I was cuddled against him with my face against his neck, and I realised then that I didn't want my first kiss to be him forcing me into it, even though I'd given him permission to do that previously. So, heart hammering inside me, I started slowly working my way up his neck. He told me later that he realised what I was doing so just let me do what I wanted to do and felt I was ready for. Eventually I managed to work my way up to his mouth and we kissed.

I can't remember what my first kiss actually felt like. There was a string of kisses, but I cant really remember what they felt like up until maybe the fourth or fifth. My mind was sort of in shock, and it took me a few seconds to be able to take anything in. I remember taking note of the feeling of his lips against mine and it felt completely unreal.

Then the librarian came and kicked us out lol. I suppose it depends on what your definition of a kiss is, and whether a kiss is a single kiss, or whether a kiss can be a series of them, but it's still funny to think that my first kiss got interrupted by a librarian who told us to leave.

So, we went outside and lay down on the grass, which was nice. I remember at one point my boyfriend asked "Did you enjoy your first kiss?" to which I answered "Yeah..."

I've never asked him what was going through his mind then. Although I'd broken the barrier of having that first kiss, going in again for a second seemed scary, and we didn't kiss while we were out on the grass. I don't recall us saying anything much, actually. I still wonder now if he was worrying that I didnt like my first kiss or something because I didnt kiss him while we were outside. It's just that question he asked, it made me wonder. Perhaps I'll get an answer as a result of this blog post.

Eventually the time came for us to head back inside as his next lesson would be starting again soon. We went back inside and I managed to get up the courage to kiss him again. It wasn't much less scarier than the first time.

At one point, I found myself looking at him and without thinking the words 'I love you' came spilling out. There are a few moments in my life where I'd pay large amounts of money for a photograph of certain person's facial expressions, and this was one of them. To this day, I dont think I've ever seen him so happy. I'm sure he said he loved me back, although it's kind of bad to think that I can't really remember properly. I was kind of shocked that those words had come out of my mouth. Not that I didn't mean them, but they'd come out of my mouth without me thinking about it.

As a side note, a few months later, one of my friends told me one night he was really happy because he'd just told his girlfriend he loved her, and she said she loved him back, and it was a really big thing. It made me wonder and had me kind of shocked because me and my boyfriend had hardly been going out any time at all before we reached that point. In fact, we'd told each other we loved each other before we were going out. That's how it came to be. Even now, I'm not sure which version represents the norm.

Back on topic, that night. I'm part of an amateur dramatics group, and I had a rehearsal that night and every Tuesday night. In any case, we weren't at the stage where we would go to each others' houses yet anyway. My bus ride home from college consists of two parts, while he had a car, so it became routine that we met up after college, he'd take me the first leg of my bus ride home, we'd park up in the car park and enjoy each other until it was time for the latest bus that would get me home and to my rehearsal on time, as it was from here that our homes were in two different directions.

We went down to the college lobby for a bit before we left college in the hopes that my sister would walk past, but we didn't see her. It was also this day that I'd texted my boyfriend that I felt like I wanted him to do something to my neck, and he started kissing it. It still feels great now, but back then it was completely new to me. Every time he did it, it felt like my neck was having an orgasm.

Anyway, we kissed and stuff, and then headed back to his car where we drove the first leg of my journey, enjoyed ourselves in the car until it was time for my bus. When he walked me to my bus we were a few minutes early, and it was now we found my sister already on the same bus. So, we went up, knocked on the window where she sat and did a long, exciting kiss. She was insanely embarrassed. This is another one of those times I'd pay big money for a photo of the facial expression. She went bright red, she put her book in front of her face, all the other bus passengers were all looking, it was fantastic!

We talked about it once I was on the bus. Apparently she'd seen us in the lobby all over each other so it wasnt a surprise to her, but it was still embarrassing for her on the bus. I realised now that she was going to tell my parents and they would know. This was kind of bad, b ut in a way I was glad because it meant I wouldn't have to tell them. Me being out that night at rehearsal was a good thing because I wouldnt have to be there to answer their questions at first, but the sucky part was a road closure meant that the journey there with my dad took three times longer than it normally would have. Plus it was dark, and I couldn't text my boyfriend because the light from my phone would distract my dad from driving.

On the plus side, I was kind of glad that night that it was one of the shows I've been in where I've had a relatively small part, since it meant that I got some good time that night to text my boyfriend at rehearsal.