Masturbation and self-induced orgasms

There was once a time when I never masturbated. I tried it and it just did nothing for me. This was back in the day, long before I ever had a boyfriend or had ever been introduced to just how wonderful sex and its extended family could be. I'd fiddled around with my fingers on the odd occasion, in the bath or in bed at night, but it had very little effect so I just didn't bother. Furthermore I didn't feel any kind of urges that I needed to satisfy, so masturbation was something that happened maybe a few times a year.

Once I got with my boyfriend and we started getting sexy together, I suddenly had a sex drive. It was quite remarkable how I suddenly went from not wanting anything sexual to being a mad woman who wanted sex all the time. At this point, however, I had not yet discovered sex toys. Giving fingers another chance never occured to me, and I hadn't yet discovered sex toys so all of this sexual desire kept building and building up. Thankfully the situation with me and my boyfriend at the time was such that I was seeing him 3-4 days a week so I had an outlet to let all of this out on.

Time went on, things started getting in the way and circumstances meant we were seeing each other less. At the beginning of our relationship I hadn't really learnt to cope with missing him yet so I was feeling distraught when he had a string of coursework assignments that meant he couldn't see me that often. Sex was out of the window. I was missing it, but not as much as I was missing him.


Sex toys are wonderful things. Some people prefer not to use them or try to restrict their use since it stops them having 'natural' orgasms, but I've found that I've never been able to get anything that even feels pleasurable using my hands, let alone and orgasm. If I didn't have sex toys now, it's likely that I would still never masturbate, despite my reasonably high sex drive.

My sex drive is a bit here and there and highly affected by outside stimuli. I don't really have a masturbation routine or a set amount of time before I start feeling the need. Some weeks, I can get the toys out almost every day (there's been occasions where it's more than once a day), and other weeks where I might not masturbate at all.

When I masturbate can depend on a number of things:

• Boredom! Sadly, this can be a big contributor to how often I masturbate. Sometimes I don't have anything to do and I think "okay, let's get the toys out"! Masturbation passes the time. Masturbation out of boredom often doesn't result in very intense or satisfying orgasm.
• Being in the mood - Sometimes things arouse me, most usually when I'm browsing the internet and I decide to get the toys out. It does suck a little bit what I have to do to do this though - locking my room, covering the gap so nobody will peek in, then getting my toys and lube out (which may not necessarily be in the same locked box out), getting my laptop rolling to play some background music to drown out the noise, getting undressed and so on and so forth. It takes at least five minutes, by which point the mood I was in is probably halfway lost. Most often, I get randomly aroused during the day and decide that I really need to masturbate when I get home, but when I get home I'm not in the mood.
• Need - it is incredibly rare that I masturbate out of need! Although I do have a sex drive, it doesn't seem to be strong enough that I need to masturbate on a regular basis. Sex with my boyfriend one or two days a week is usually enough to keep me going until the next time.

Masturbation is something of a skill that I have recently been trying to perfect. I've recently realised that masturbation isn't just a case of holding a toy against my clit and/or inside me and staying there long enough for me to orgasm. This is what I'd been doing for months and the reason why very few of my orgasms lasted very long or were that satisfying.

To increase the pleasure I get from my orgasms, I've been trying to stop plain old, boring masturbation. I've really been trying to get myself in the mood, I've been fantasising. I've also lately been masturbating in front of my boyfriend and it's always magic, so I imagine him lying there next to me when I do it. He also stimulates my nipples while I'm doing it, so I've been trying to work that into my masturbation technique. I plan to invest in some nipple clamps soon to help me with that.

I've been considering getting some porn to watch when I masturbate too. Up until now I've sort of found it too graphic and offputting, but since embracing the power of fantasy, watching porn seems like it might be a good idea. I need to track down something which works well for me. I'm sure I won't like bog-standard porn - I need to do some research, watch a variety of different porn videos to get an idea of what I like. If anyone reading has any recommendations, send them my way!

The 'availability' of masturbation can also play havoc on my sex drive. A while ago, I believed that I had a cut inside me. I'm not sure whether it actually was or not, but it was making masturbation and sex painful. I decided that I was going to abstain from any sexual activity for a week. I only lasted six days, but they were agonising! Although there was nothing physically stopping me from masturbating, knowing that not masturbating was for my own good was inredibly difficult to cope with. My sex drive went through the roof! I'm sure I'd never be able to indulge in chastity play. It would drive me insane!

I do worry I masturbate too much sometimes. I don't masturbate often, but lately I've been finding it a bit more difficult to orgasm. I'm worried that this is because it has become a little too much instant gratification - it is generally the case that as soon as I'm even the slightest aroused, I disappear to my room and have a play. Perhaps I need to hold back until getting the toys out seems irresistable. However, when I took those six days away from my toys even when I was screaming for them, I didn't find that that the orgasm I had was particularly long or satisfying, so I'm not sure that this is the best option.

I do wonder if my body is becoming a little desensitised to vibrators as well - I used to truly love it when my boyfriend got the toys out on me. It's not that I don't love it now, but it used to be the case that he never failed to make me orgasm hard. Now all of the tried and tested surefire ways of making me orgasm don't seem to work any more, despite the fact that if anything it has gotten more erotic and mentally stimulating than it was before.

It's a learning experience I suppose! As I get better at stimulating my self and being stimulated, another challenge presents itself. I think I've been using toys for long enough now that they're no longer the magic orgasm gadgets they once were. It's not that they no longer work for me, but I think it's that my body now wants something different, and I have to figure out exactly what that is.


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This blog post was a response to a blog post by Mistress Cara, who has written many good blog posts that I'll eventually get around to writing my own personal response to. I normally prefer writing blogs to reading them, but hers is good. :)