First time sex and what I learnt from it

My first time having sex! There are so many things I learnt from it that I wished I'd known beforehand, and if I could relive it quite a few things I'd do differently.

That Saturday night saw the final performance of that year's show of my am dram group. I had a large number of family members in attendance, as well as my boyfriend so I was pretty nervous, but it all went well. The day after, we all went out for a meal. After the meal, we all went our separate ways. Family all went out to some local beauty spots, while me and my boyfriend went home and had the house to ourselves.

As usual, we got into bed, got naked and moved onto oral like we usually did. I hadn't decided as such that today would be the day we'd have sex, but I was ready and there was a good chance I'd say yes to it today. After what was probably about 40 minutes of oral and making sure he had an erection, I announced that I thought I was ready to "do it properly". We'd originally set up a signal for me to do if I didn't feel I had the guts to say "I'm ready for sex now!", but I was quite pleased with myself that I'd actually spoken the fact I wanted sex.

We switched sides rather unceremoniously so that he was on top, and he felt around and got his dick in the right place. I had the implant and he'd come up clean on the STD test (I was a virgin so I didn't need one), and so we'd decided we weren't going to use condoms. Although I am completely paranoid, we'd decided the downsides of condoms (reduced sensations etc) weren't worth the 0.1% chance I might get pregnant.

Then, he went in.

I'm sortof wary of describing my first time in case there are any virgins reading this that might let this affect them, but I'm going to describe it in the hopes that if you are a virgin, you'll take this with a grain of salt and learn from my mistakes.

It hurt like a bitch. I'm not exaggerating, it was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. I consider it be a sneak preview of childbirth and the only thing I can think of that I've experienced that's been more painful was when I dropped a frying pan of hot fat down my leg when I was a child.

I'd love to say that despite that, I really loved the physical connection with my boyfriend and it was still mentally amazing, but it wasn't. It hurt so much it was all I could concentrate on, and I spent the whole time wondering if I should ask him to stop yet. He came relatively quickly on my first time and I was glad, because by that point I was seconds away from telling him I'd had enough. I might have regretted it after if that was how my first time ended, but I was in enough pain not to be thinking about that at the time.

I bled over the sheets. I wish I could have kept those sheets as a keepsake (I'm keeping a collection of naughty stuff from our past), but it was the only sheet I had at the time, so I took a picture! Seems kind of weird and sick in a way, but it's good for a giggle.

We cuddled a lot after. I remember lying there with him and thinking "Shit, I'm not a virgin any more!" I hadn't thought about it before I'd decided it was time for sex, and although it wouldn't have changed my decision, I wished I'd acknowledged that I was losing my virginity before it happened.

We had sex again later that day. I wasn't scared off by the pain. On the contrary, I thought that if I kept doing it it would stop hurting more quickly and I'd be able to enjoy it. We did it a second time that day but it still hurt just as much.

There are a few things that I've learnt since that first time that I hope I can pass on to other people:

• There's a difference between being turned on in mind and body. My boyfriend had certainly done enough oral beforehand and I was of the mind that "I'm not getting any wetter", but I realise now that I wasn't properly turned on mentally. It still would have hurt, but I sometimes wonder if it might have hurt less if it was a bit more erotic.
• Lube! I'll talk about this in a later post, but I later learnt that it would make it a lot better. We'd talked about it beforehand but I took the advice of my more experienced boyfriend who said I didn't seem to have a problem with wetness and it wouldn't make much difference. I didn't think at the time that it couldn't make it worse and it was probably a good idea anyway.