The Chasers

I debated whether to go off on a tangent and talk about my toys, but I decided I want to post in a chronological order.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, as I got to the late teens and beyond, there wasn't a lack of guys throwing themselves at me, but I turned them all down. I was completely not ready for a relationship.

Apart from not being ready for a relationship, there was a common problem between most of these guys. I dont believe in love at first sight (which probably warrants another blog post later on), and since I wasn't going to throw myself at just anyone (because as I said, I wanted to be sure any relationship I got into would work out), asking me out before they'd got to know me or even spoken to me properly wasn't going to go down well. Some of them, I'm actually quite embarrassed about. My total disinterest in boys at the time meant I had no idea of how to let them down gently. It often meant lies and being blunt which resulted in hurt feelings. I wish I could have let some of them down a bit gentler because I know now how much guts it takes to ask someone out, but I can't change the past.

There are three guys I can particularly remember (although there were others). One of them worked at a shop just down from where I work, and I used to go in there almost every weekend to buy lunch. I heard on the grapevine that he liked me, but I wasn't really sure who this person was everyone was telling me about! Well, I went in there one day to buy lunch and he followed me out and told me his feelings. By God, it was awkward. And it goes to show how important it is to get to know a person beforehand, because although it did actually turn out we had some common interests (we're on reasonable terms now), our personalities were in conflict and it would never have worked out as a relationship.

The second to this day remains a legend at my workplace. There was a guy at work (we'll call him J) and he was extremely popular in an unpopular way, if that makes any sense at all. He had learning difficulties (although I'm still one of only a few who knows this) and he had his sights set on me. The thing was, this guy had actually got to know me quite well and we were quite friendly and got on. The trouble was, he was mistaking my friendliness for something more. He had this thing where he rated the girls at work in a kind of heirarchy which was a bit of a joke amongst the staff, and I ended up working my way up to number one. One evening just before work was over, he asked me out. Of course I had no interest in him and I said no, although the way he asked it I hadnt realised he was being serious, so I broke the poor guy's heart. I wish the story could have ended there, but he didn't take no for an answer, and he never got it into his head that I had absolutely no interest in him. Cue an endless amount of awkward conversations where he talked about how he thinks we had something between us. I'm sure he still thinks that now, even though we're both with other people. I didnt want to be mean, and there was no way I could get him to realise that I had never and would never have any romantic interest in him and know that I was serious about it. Thankfully, he ended up leaving and now lives at the other end of the country.

The third guy is also another long and interesting story involving a fair amount of lies, deception and awkward moments. This guy actually did some really hurtful things to me along the way. But, we both changed as people over the years. We kept in touch and this guy became my first and current boyfriend. Again, I think this goes to show something. I know I wouldnt have said yes to him at the time because I just wasn't ready or wanting a relationship, but had he spoke to me and gotten to know me before jumping in and asking me out, I'd have realised we were actually pretty similar and he'd have increased his chances considerably if he'd taken the time to get to know me. We're both glad I said no because we wouldnt have what we have now, but it does prove a point.

Although there were alot of bad things that happened between us at the beginning, I'm kind of glad it happened. Had it not, we wouldnt be together now, and it scares me to think how easily we might never have met or been in touch with each other.

So, I suppose guys chasing after me isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it works out for the best later on (try six years later - that was the time between his initial asking me out and actually getting me to say yes), but I get extremely intimidated by other guys telling me they have feelings for me, which isn't the best way to go in trying to start a relationship with me, especially if I hardly know you.